Do you want more?
Too often as women, and especially as mothers, we feel lost. We’ve lost our life, ourselves. We have forgotten what we like to do, what we can do. Today I want to change that, help you understand how you ended up here and start now to rediscover yourself and get out of this rut. Because, and this is really important to understand, you can change your life, this doesn’t have to be permanent.
Firstly, you don’t suck! That’s right, I’m talking to you my friend, and I am telling you… you don’t suck!
I know you go through days on end feeling like you're failing. You get to the end of the day and feel exhausted, but when you pause you also realise you haven’t done anything really meaningful, it’s all been errands. You feel like you are in mud, that there isn’t a clear way forward. You feel guilty that you feel this way. You’re doubting everything about yourself and wondering if you can ever change it.
How do I know this? Because I’ve been there too. I had evenings where I cried because I couldn’t see what I could do. I had days where I just didn’t want to get going because, what’s the point? I’ve been where you are. The really ugly truth is, this is a normal stage of life for many women.
You find yourself wondering, is this it? Is this what my life is going to be from now on? Is this all there is?
So stop right now. Stop beating yourself up. Stop being so tough on yourself. You are a wonderful person. You are an amazing lady. What you’re experiencing is normal, but it doesn’t have to be this way, it doesn’t have to be permanent.
How did you end up here? Well it was quite simple really. You had a career, you had children, and you got busy serving everyone else. You want to show up and serve your family, you want to be a good (frankly, a great) mum. You give everything you have to make sure all their needs are met. You focus on ensuring their wants are met. You do everything!
And in the process, you lost track of you. You lost sight of who you are. You forgot what you like to do. You lost confidence in yourself and what you can do. You let all your dreams fade away and focused on your family. Not on purpose, you didn’t even realise it was happening, it was a natural slide.
But, and it’s a big but. In reality you can’t serve your family well if you’re not in a good space yourself. Have you noticed that you’re a bit snappy? Have you noticed that you yell more often than you would like? Have you noticed that the smallest things tip you over the edge? Have you noticed you’re a bit sarky with your husband?
These are signs that you need to make a change. You can change this AND continue to serve your family, but in a better, more positive way. You can make positive personal changes in your life, and have a better connection with your family.
How? By rediscovering what you’re good at. By looking at everything you do and can do, and identifying your strengths, and how your strengths can serve you.
I’m not good at anything! Does this sound familiar? Is this the soundtrack that’s been playing in your mind?
Firstly, I want you to take a moment and recognise the amazing woman that you are. I want you to recognise how hard you work for your family, carrying the mother load day in and day out. I want you to see that you have amazing talents, you’ve just lost sight of them for a moment.
I know you’re scoffing, “amazing, yeah whatever!” We are very quick to flick away a compliment. In fact, I’m willing to bet that when someone pays you a compliment, you quickly rebut it with a negative joke at yourself.
Think for a moment, how did you react to the last compliment you received? Were you gracious with a “thank you” or did you say “really it was nothing”. We have lost sight of ourselves, of our skills and our strengths. We have even moved to a point where we struggle to accept a compliment.
So how do you rediscover your skills and strengths?
Start by writing down all the skills and experiences you have. Grab your journal, or any piece of paper and write it all down. Sit with it for at least 10 minutes, and explore everything you do, identifying the skills that you use.
Think about how you plan the family’s extra curricular and social calendar and the skills it takes to do this - planning, organising, communicating, delegating and so on.
Think about negotiating with your daughter why she can’t have a mobile phone just because everyone else does, what skills does this require - listening, judgement, communication, negotiation, debate, problem solving and so on.
You get my drift, think about everyday life and the skills that you use without even thinking about it. Then consider any special skills you have, such as drawing, writing, speaking, perhaps even interior design. Write down absolutely everything you can do.
Think about what you do everyday at work. If you no longer have paid work, what did you do? What skills did that require?
Once you’ve spent some time developing your list, use a highlighter or a different coloured pen and identify your key strengths. Ask family and friends to share what they believe are your strengths, their answers may surprise you!
Perhaps some of these you had completely forgotten about. Perhaps some you use without thinking about it. Perhaps you have lost confidence in how to use them. What is important is that you have rediscovered your strengths. You are capable of a lot, you are good at lots of things!
So change that soundtrack in your mind to one of celebration. Because knowing your strengths helps increase your self-awareness. It can give you a new appreciation for traits you previously undervalued in yourself. People who understand their strengths have a better grasp of what makes them unique and how their personality impacts the people around them.
More specifically, knowing what you’re good at will help you make better decisions every day. And knowing your strengths will, for instance, help you to become more resourceful during difficult moments of your life.
When you have clarity on your strengths, you focus on the right things. You focus on the things that have the biggest impact on your life. In addition, you will save time and energy by focusing on things that bring the greatest returns to you and your family.
If you are clear about your strengths, they can serve you by allowing you to contribute more value to others and the world around you.
If you’re wondering how your strengths serve you, ask yourself these two questions. Grab your journal or a piece of paper and write them down. Then explore what each question means to you:
1. How do I want my strengths to show up in my life?
2. How do I want to use my strengths to serve others?
In general, knowing your strengths will allow you to make smarter choices and decisions about your life, career, goals, and circumstances.
If this is resonating with you, then I invite you to start now to make some decisions on your year ahead. And I want to support you to do this. I want you to not only know what IT is that you want, but to have a plan for how you’re going to achieve it.
This is the last week you can sign up for my FREE masterclass, Roar into 2024. In this FREE masterclass, we will explore what you truly want in life, both personally and professionally. You will set meaningful goals that are achievable, yet support you to live your best year.
It is pre recorded so you can enjoy it in your own time and at your own pace. In fact, with a dedicated workbook, there are moments where I suggest you pause and complete the activities to ensure you get the most out of the masterclass.
The masterclass is ready for you now, go to https://www.theleaptolead.com/masterclass!