How You Can Move Beyond The MotherloadJun 14, 2022
The motherload! It is something that we all have to carry, day in and day out. It’s the physical load as well as the mental load that we carry. Every. Single. Day.
There is a stark difference between men and women, while men may be carrying a huge amount of stress with their work, they don’t have to add this to the mental load of life. They just stress about work. Ok, so that may be a little simplistic, but it’s not far from reality either.
Women carry more than regular stress. Women carry the constant planning and organising that comes with family life. Even if you don’t have kids in the home, there is planning when the house will get cleaned, when the groceries will be purchased, what groceries to purchase, paying the bills, getting the car serviced, picking up and dropping off stuff for the family. When is the sports gear needed next and is it clean? What plans do we have this weekend, and who will babysit? It is a constant mental loop that we play in our heads, and this is on top of anything else that we may be trying to achieve.
We carry this motherload constantly under the influence of guilt and doubt. We feel guilty the minute we let one of these balls drop, or… gasp… we take time out for ourselves. And when we’re not feeling guilty we are doubting ourselves, doubting that we’re good enough, that we’re capable, that anyone wants our skills!
So here we are carrying the motherload, pivoting between guilt and doubt AND we try to live our lives with perfection! Why? Because social media tells us that we can ‘have it all’. And let’s not forget the social movements of the past 10+ years, such as the lean in movement that told us we can have career success. We just have to take our seat at the table, but let’s face it none of those men are carrying the extra mental load, they have time to sit at the table! The #metoo movement has told us that we can overcome all barriers. We are told that we can have it all and frankly we want to have it all and we put so much pressure on ourselves to do it, we can literally tip ourselves over the edge.
What edge? You will know when you’re close to that edge. You will feel frustrated. You will be snapping at your kids. You will be sarky with your partner. You will lay awake at night feeling ugh. You will get up each morning with a drag. When you’re close to that edge, life is simply hard work.
But it doesn’t always have to be hard work. These feelings don’t have to be permanent.
If any of this sounds familiar, then I want you to ask yourself - if I could live without any barriers what would my life look like? Literally think, if I had all the time and energy I needed, what would my life look like? What would I be doing differently?
I find going for a walk with a question like this gives me the space I need to meditate on it. Maybe that will work for you? If not, grab a piece of paper and doodle. Or of course you can always journal about it.
We all experience the motherload, and there will be times when we feel like we just can’t move beyond it. I’ve been there too, mid 2021 I was experiencing the overwhelm. Frustrated that things weren’t working for me. Frustrated that it was always me that had to do everything. Finding myself getting angry at really trivial things. Snapping at the girls when they really weren’t doing anything wrong. I felt guilty that I was being a terrible mother. I felt guilty that I was being an awful wife. One morning I went for a walk, I left my phone at home, I just took Minty and off we went. I was deliberate with this walk, I spent time meditating and asking myself “what do I want to do differently?”
If you can see what you want to do differently, then make a decision today, what is one thing you can do to move towards that? One action, it doesn't have to be big. It could be as simple as, I will turn off my phone at 7pm tonight to stop me from mindlessly scrolling on social media, we all know what a suck this is on our time and energy. Or maybe your decision is to carve out 10 minutes a day just for yourself, to read, to meditate, to go for a walk, to draw, to listen to music - whatever you're looking for in your life. Or maybe your decision is to use your strengths to improve your life. I have a free strengths assessment that might help you with this, you can download this now ‘What Am I Good At?’ - https://www.theleaptolead.com/guide
My decision after my walk was that I wanted to stop being this angry and frustrated person, I wanted to show up and serve myself and my family better. I wanted to show up differently for my clients. I didn’t know what that looked like, which is when I decided to reach out and connect with my coach. I needed someone to work with me through the questions I had in my mind. I needed someone to guide me. The result of my effort to move beyond the motherload, is the morphing of my business to The Leap To Lead and all that you’re seeing now. I feel truly happy, I feel totally empowered, and I feel grateful.
I would love to see you live with true happiness and empowerment in your life. If this sounds like something you would like to explore further privately in a one on one conversation, I invite you to book a call with me. Let’s connect and talk about your situation and how you can change it. This is a FREE call, there is no obligation, simply allow me the opportunity to support you.
Book your call here - https://calendly.com/theleaptolead/coaching