The Real Reason You’re Snapping At Your Kids
You’re running late this morning, you got side tracked checking emails first thing and now you’re desperate to get out the door. Your daughter comes running up with her brush and hair tie “mummy can you do my hair this morning”. Ugh! Sure! You’re not very gentle, you pull roughly through the knots and catch small strands in the hair tie. You know you should pause and just take a breath, but you’re already running late. You know you’re not being very loving right now, but you just can’t help it. You can see your daughter wincing in the mirror, and guilt rushes over you… again.
It’s been a crazy day, running from one thing to the next. You’ve thrown together dinner in such a hurry, you’re not even sure you’ve covered the food groups that should be on the plate. I’ll do better tomorrow, you tell yourself. You ask the kids to set the table while you plate up. While trying to help you, as he can see you're stressed, your son knocks over a glass and it smashes on the floor. A switch goes off and just like that you lose it. You’re no longer rational. You’re yelling at your son to get out of the way before he cuts himself. You’re a screaming lunatic, and as you glance up you suddenly realise that’s fear in their eyes and guilt rushes over you… again.
You're in the car driving to school and your daughter realises she left her instrument on the floor beside the door. You haven’t got time to turn back and get it, the traffic is terrible this morning. She goes very quiet and silent tears roll down her cheek, the teacher now penalises them when they forget their instrument. You feel bad, but what can you do about it? “Pull yourself together. Crying isn’t going to fix it. You should be more organised. You should be more responsible!” You can hear your voice getting harsher and louder with each statement. As a result she cries big loud sobbing tears. It’s not really her fault, it was by the door, anyone could have picked it up for her and put it in the car. She did her best and got her bags ready the night before. It was a simple mistake and you know your response is irrational. You kick yourself as that feeling of guilt rushes over you… again.
It’s time for some honest talk ladies. We’ve all done it. We’ve all snapped at our kids, and our partner, although they haven’t really done anything wrong. We’ve all been this crazy person at some point. We’ve all had those moments where we wish we could have been a better parent. I know I’ve been there, and I know the journey I’ve been on to change the type of mother I am. It’s not easy, but it is necessary if you want to have a relationship with your children as they get older. You can’t keep snapping and yelling, you have to make a decision to change your own behaviour.
Why? Because snapping at your kids is a symptom of something bigger in your life. The real reason you’re snapping at your kids is that deep down you’re unhappy.
When you’re living your life without alignment, the symptom is irrational behaviour. You know you shouldn’t be acting this way or saying that, but you just can’t help it, you can’t stop yourself. It’s like you’re floating above seeing what’s going on, but you can’t understand why.
When you're not living with alignment in your life, you take it out on yourself with negative self-talk, beating yourself up every day for not being a better person, a better mother, a better partner. You perpetuate the feelings of guilt and then doubt starts to creep in, can I be a better person? Am I worthy? Am I capable?
When you’re not living with clarity and focus, when you ignore your inner needs, you don’t treat yourself well. And you don’t treat those you love well either. The real reason you’re snapping at your kids… you’re unhappy and frustrated.
While you strive to be there for your family, meeting their every need and their wants, you allow yourself to be sucked into the routine and errands. You lose sight of who you are. You lose sight of what you want. You lose sight of what you need. You lose your own identity. It happens gradually over time, you may not have even noticed it happening. But if you find yourself re-living any of the scenarios I’ver shared, then it is a symptom that you’re unhappy. Irrational and inexplicable feelings and behaviours are a symptom that you need to make a change.
I know how confronting this feels, I’ve been there too. A few years ago, I was that irrational woman, I was snapping at the girls and at hubby, there were moments where I was that screaming lunatic. I made a decision to change my life, to show up for myself and my family in a way that makes me feel proud. If I can do it, you can do it too. It starts and stops with you.
Make a decision today that you will start to change the way you behave. Make a decision right now that you will show up better for yourself and your family. Make a decision that you are ready to move forward. You will be the woman, the mother, you want to be. You just need to find her.
How? Making a decision to change is the hardest part. Being aware of how you’re behaving and accepting that it needs to change is not easy. However, taking action is key.
Start by identifying your strengths. What are you good at? Make a list. Put down absolutely everything you can do - think about running the home, think about organising the family social calendar, think about how you’re able to juggle so much. Write down everything, without judgement. Don’t start questioning everything you put down. Just get it out there. Once you’re finished, get a pretty pen or highlighter and go through and mark the ones that are your key strengths. If you want a worksheet, grab my free assessment tool - www.theleaptolead.com/guide
When you know your strengths, ask yourself a few questions. How do you want to use your strengths? How do you want your strengths to show up in your life? What will you do differently to use your strengths going forward?
Then make a plan. What action will you take to make this a reality for yourself? What goals can you set? What timeframe is meaningful to you? When you have the right mindset, your behaviours will follow.
It may mean rediscovering your hobbies. It may mean starting your own business. It may mean returning to part time work. It may mean changing careers altogether. The outcome will be unique to you, but the process to get there will be the same.
I’ll be honest, you can’t flick a switch and change everything overnight, for me it’s been a journey that started in 2018 and god knows I’m not perfect LOL! But once you’ve made a decision to change, you will see you can pause and take a breath, you can adjust your responses, you can love your family without snapping at them.
If this sounds like something you would like to explore further privately in a one on one conversation, I invite you to book a call with me. Let’s connect and talk about your situation and how you can change it. This is a FREE call, there is no obligation, simply allow me the opportunity to support you.
Book your call here - https://calendly.com/theleaptolead/coaching