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The Hidden Trap Of Mindset

coaching lead your life positive personal change self improvement supporting mums take the leap Aug 23, 2022
The Leap To Lead
The Hidden Trap Of Mindset

Have you noticed the moment you start to feel good about yourself, the moment you have complete clarity, something happens in your mind that says “I don’t have enough time for this” or “I’m just not good enough” or “you should just stick with what you know”?

These limiting beliefs can stifle your progress and stop you from living the life you want. The reason this happens is actually a chemical reaction in your brain. There isn’t anything you can do to stop it, but there is a way to move beyond it… without giving up.

Over the past few weeks we have been exploring clarity, the reasons it’s important and how you can have better clarity in your life. If you have been taking action each week, then you’ve probably started to notice some negative self talk creeping in. Today we are delving into this hidden trap of mindset and what you can do about it.

A lot of under achievement as women, is actually in our own heads. We spend so much of our time pivoting between self doubt and guilt, that often we don’t try to follow our dreams. We literally can’t see them. 

I had the privilege of working with Sundae Bean in a course I did a few years ago, and she introduced me to Amy G Dala. The amygdala is a physical part of your brain and it can hijack you as an emotional response to stress. Amy is located near the base of the brain. She helps define and regulate your emotions as well as preserve memories and attach those memories to specific emotions.

Amy also activates your fight-or-flight response. This response can help people in immediate physical danger react quickly for their safety and security. For example, it helped early humans respond to threats to avoid being injured or killed. Amy activates your fight-or-flight response without any initiative from you. When that part of your brain senses danger, it signals your brain to pump stress hormones, preparing your body to either fight for survival or to flee to safety.

Today, your fight-or-flight response is more likely to be triggered by emotions such as stress, fear, and anxiety. In summary, Amy’s role is to protect you, so if you start putting yourself out there and taking risks, Amy is going to try and stop you, she doesn’t want you to get hurt. Amy will always find a counter argument or reason why you can’t or shouldn’t do this. 

Which is why, just when you start to feel good about yourself and have clarity in your life, Amy arrives and gives you a good kick in the butt. She doesn’t want you to put yourself at risk. She doesn’t want you to fail. She wants to protect you.

So when you start to get clarity on yourself, your strengths and how these can serve you, Amy will rear her ugly little head and start telling you “you’re too busy” or “your family needs your attention elsewhere” or “you can’t do this” or even “you don’t deserve this”.

Amy can be really mean. LOL I am sorry if your name is Amy! I had one client who couldn’t call her Amy so she chose Priscilla, you can do the same if it makes it easier for you. But in all seriousness, Amy is in all of us. She can be mean, but her intentions are good, she wants to protect you. However, you can prevent this Amy hijack. You can gain control over your brain’s irrational responses.

Start by tuning in to what Amy is trying to tell you. And then ask yourself, is it true? Really dig deep when you ask yourself this question. Amy says “you don’t deserve this” and you consider is it true? The answer is no, it’s not true. You deserve to live your life the way you want, aligning with your strengths and using them to serve you and your family. If Amy is saying “you don’t deserve this, take a deep breath and focus your thoughts. Focus on why you do deserve it, focus on your strengths and how important they are to you. This simple step can help you to take over from the irrational thoughts and have control over your responses. 

You may have heard of imposter syndrome? I find this is actually really common in my clients and it is something that we invest a reasonable amount of time in debunking. Because as women, and again especially as mothers, we doubt ourselves, our abilities and we feel like we are failing at everything. 

Now that you understand how Amy works, you can see how easily imposter syndrome can affect your mindset and lead you into a spiral of negative thought and disbelief in yourself.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can take over from the irrational thoughts by taking a deep breath, acknowledging what is going on in your mind and why, then asking yourself is it true? The answer 99% of the time is NO! So you can thank Amy for trying to protect you, and move forward again.

Get your journal out now, or your trusty piece of paper and draw two columns and label them: What is Amy telling me? Is it true, why not?

Invest some time in this, the clearer you are about Amy and how she is working in your brain, the easier it will be to debunk her. The more often you tune into Amy, the quicker you will be able to take back control of your responses. 

You can’t stop Amy, she is a normal chemical reaction in your brain. But you can move forward without her, without giving up. You can live the life you want, the way you want, serving yourself AND your family.

Are you ready to stop the negative self talk?

Throughout the month of August I am offering 10 x free clarity sessions. If you’re feeling stuck, I want to help you. In this 30 minute clarity session you can clear the fog, gain clarity and know what action you need to take. There are only 10 clarity sessions available, and they are completely free. Book your 30 minute clarity session now and finally have focus and clarity in your life!

Book your free 30 minute clarity session now - 

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